This one hurts to type...

Postmarked 19Nov05 (this would've been Saturday, at the start of the three very bad phone calls we received):

Dad,
Hi. Well, today was the first day of week seven. And I've never been more emotional in my entire life. I swear, it's like one minute I'm crying my eyes out and the next I'm laughing really hard. This is seriously stressing me out. I feel like it's not even worth it sometimes. I know it sounds stupid, but I seriously can't stay motivated at all. I'm really sick (even worse than before... my head hurts like crazy, my skin hurts when I touch it, it hurts to swallow... etc.). I'm run down, drained, tired and ALWAYS FREEZING. I swear to God Missouri is the coldest state on earth. Not even joking.

We just went on an FTX yesterday and it was so miserable. There are no heated buildings on the site, so if it gets cold, sucks to be you. It got down to like 20 degrees or something and we slept out there. Then in the morning (4am) they made us all get up and pull security which basically means go sit in the hole you dug up the day before with your weapon in 16 degree weather for an HOUR. I cried because my fingers were actually numb. Plus I'm ridiculously sick, so if I even move my WHOLE BODY hurts. This can't be good for you. Seriously. Ow.

Today at range detail (five people from each platoon go set crap up on the firing range for the company to use) we sat in the ammo shack and listened to music and loaded ammo into magazines for about 2.5 hours. Summer of '69 came on and I cried. Seriously. No joke. I friggin' BAWLED MY EYES OUT. It reminded me of home and I was in a really sucky mood so when I heard it I flipped out. It was pretty sad looking. I just got my sweats on. I'm so cold. Crafton said I have a fever. Nobody else is cold but me. They're all walking around in shorts and t-shirts w/flip flops. I can't even write because I'm so cold. This is seriously miserable. I am in hell. It's official.

Three more weeks feels like so long from now. DS Allen didn't let me do the 10k foot march because of my back. So as of now I'm in non-graduate status, which really makes me in an even better mood. Not. This is ridiculous. I need major help dad. I don't know how much longer I can take it.

I was in a better mood earlier. When we did night fire. We all waited until the sun went down, put tracer rounds in our magazines and put our M-16's on burst and it was like a lazer light show going on. The drill sgts. were lighting off pink and orange flares (one of them started a fire on the range). I was so excited and happy, but I took medicine before it so I wouldn't feel so bad. However, now I feel like poop and I'm going to cry.

Sorry for the bad note. I'm gonna try to write everyone one by one.

Love you,
Lindsay

p.s. WRITE BACK